Pollyana Cowgirl

Church

I don`t usually have a serious urge to blog. I blog to keep my friends in the loop to keep my parents aware that I am still alive and because I need to keep my readers engaged.

Tonight, I am making an exception.
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Yesterday evening, I went to church here in Jakarta. My colleague Abigail and her friend Dylan came by my apartment to bring me to church. I was feeling that initial unease, unsure of what service would be like... I was anxious about the 'feel'. The feel is important.

The church is located in the district of 'Greenville' where huge trees line the streets and houses are guarded by security guards and sky high fences. The odd food peddler was making his rounds and the area was surprisingly serene and that helped to keep my nerves in place. Abigail introduced me to her friends and welcoming smiles and warm handshakes.... I even managed to crack some corny jokes (a sure sign that I am being 'myself' Haha!).

The message of the service was on 'Desire'.
Desire. To desire for possessions and for all that is better on the other side of the fence. Whether it is a better job, a more wonderful spouse, a fancy car, a bigger house... you get the drift.

How often do we stop to thank God for all the blessings He has blessed us with? How often do we leave things in His hands and not ask for more and more and more?

I am always worrying about my family. I worry about Mummy and her sinus, I worry that PaPa would worry too much about the business, I worry that Mal would be so busy with school/work/friends and forget to take care of herself, I worry about KorKor too. I worry and I fear. Perhaps they are irrational fears, but.

I worry so much that I often forget that my dear Father in Heaven is always looking out for me and my loved ones. I forget that if I call myself a believer of His word, a Christian... I should put my faith and trust in Him. Sometimes I commit the sin of being a 'selective believer'. I ponder about the meaning of my life, I hope that my life can be a testimony of God's love... and then I wonder why I am still single, why it is seemingly impossible to find a good man, a someone special (yes, this issue bugs me often enough.. right Mal? The 'will I be single for the rest of my life' question!). Of course NOT. It is all about the 'mould'!

I call myself a worry-wart.

The message was to stop and trust in Him. To stop desiring but instead to thank God for the blessings and to share the blessings with others.

I cried, like I always do when I sing hymns. Singing hymns reminds me of my schooldays in St.Hilda's where I found God... through songs of praise. So, I sang yesterday, I sang and I sang.
And then, I prayed.

All the worries in the world are numbered.
Yesterday, I placed the worries in His hands and asked for Him to just hold me a little tighter when I am afraid here away from my family, my home and my friends. I asked for Him to lead me when I feel lost and then I prayed, with my all heart that He would look over my family and let His love just flow. For the young minds that are entrusted to me... I prayed that I would be a good teacher.

And I love you so much dear Lord...

posted by Poot @ 9:09 PM