Pollyana Cowgirl

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

bye bye Singapore

bye bye Singapore...
hello Jakarta...

Thursday, June 21, 2007

-Luke-

I have been updating my blog rather haphazardly the past couple of weeks as my sole intention is to bridge the geographical gap between friends and family members. Sometimes it seems almost strange how despite the distance and time spent apart, people can remain uncannily connected and never change.

Change is often deemed as a positive. In fact, perhaps the word itself has its own imposed connotations... and I often fall into the trap of rating it as such, but today I was reminded of how perhaps, change- or rather the lack of it- has been sadly undermined.

Luke and I have been friends since we were 13 years old but we only became close during our college years and the friendship has blossomed ever since. Sometimes I wonder what it is that has kept us together for almost 10 years...simple, plain old chemistry. Friends need chemistry too. The innate ability to read each other's minds, to finish our sentences, to give a look and know that it is understood, to be utterly frank and brutally honest. Luke has gone the distance with me. He has seen me through my phases and boyfriends, from clubbing to just rambling on the phone... he stuck with me as I traversed through Japan and Jakarta.

We met again today, it has been almost 6 months since we last saw each other. The moment our eyes met, we broke into peals of laughter and I knew I was in good hands. We bantered and updated each other about the most momentous events of the past months, and much sooner than I expected, he began to read my mind. And, I began to tell him stuff that I have been dying to share and which I have been keeping inside the crevices of my heart for months. It was like verbal diarrhoea, I mean an actual catharsis.

Luke listened, smiled knowingly and said things that my heart felt. He asked questions that I dare not think about because that meant I had to face up to reality. Today, I let it all out, and he took it all in.

I have always found it hard to make new friends. I am the type of person who has only a handful of treasured friends, and they are all I need for my lifetime. Indeed, the word friend is to me a word that has lost its meaning, like how love is now used nondescriptly.

Luke makes me realise how much I have changed because we still laugh about the hideous pair of blue track shoes I used to wear in college and many other fashion faux pas. He made me realise how I have not changed at all when he asked innocently 'Are you still clumsy? In front of your Prince?'. He knows. And he knows how to subtly reveal to me what I want but hesistate to say, what I fear but refuse to admit and what I love but am too scared to reveal.

You are in my eyes, so good looking, so cute, eloquent, articulate... a true fashionista and member of the cool club clan. You epitomise the modern man who is well travelled and well read, a true cultured diva who takes good care of himself. A friend who makes me laugh out loud, a confidante who dishes out advice for my world weary soul and a soulmate who truly understands.

Luke, for all the above... Its been almost a decade of bitching... why stop now?

For the Rastafarian top you made me buy, for the ridiculous outfit you convinced me to tog myself in when I made my first trip to Japan, for convincing me that I need to buy more bags and wear higher heels, for making me understand what is sexy and not, for giving me insights into the male's psyche, for asking about my family everything you see me... and finally... for having the courage to follow your heart and deride all that pompous societal values.

Luke, you are my man.
And I love you so much for you.

**I would like to state for the record that you promised me today that you will visit me in Jakarta and we will go wild and 'paint the town purple'. I will be waiting.**

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Shopper's Paradise

Shopping.

I have been conclusively consumed by clothes, bags and shoes. I can not get enough of the CBS. I even need an acronym for them.

That said, it is so satisfying to spend an entire day doing nothing but shop. Mal and I started the day with a hearty lunch for fuel and to strategise our assualt. We had to comb the most number of stores in 7 hours as we aimed to complete the divide and conquer plan by 7pm as we had to meet the parents for dinner.

The plan was to ambush our favourite stores first before the 'enemy' (other shoppers) invaded the territory. Since most of the stores only carried one piece for each style of clothing, we had to be there first, such is the devotion to our cult brands. We had to get our hands on them!

7 hours later, with only one pit-stop of 30 minutes to grab a drink and toilet-break... we were aching, our feet were sore (and still are) but... my oh my, the haul was testimony to our winning formula.

Shopping is often mistaken to be a frivolous activity for the female species. I beg to differ. There was so much bonding between Mal and me today. I am a predominantly solo-shopper, I hate to go shopping with anyone except Luke, Siyao, Mal and Mum. Luke for his exquisite taste and fashion forward sense... with an eye for details, Luke's taste, I trust blindfolded. Siyao for her unbashedly frank opinions that are more candid than anything else.. it is just fun listening to her criticisms, plus, we are always checking out the people around us more than the clothes. But, Mal and Mum... I love shopping with them. Mal is patient, and we never fail to spot great finds while Mum gives great fashion advice.

Today was especially fun because Mal and I kept trying more and more and more clothes and shoes... it was crazy! We looked ridiculous in some of them while some were downright outrageous. It was like playing dress-up! The total damage for the day.. dare I even elaborate.

More shoes, bags, clothes and accessories. I burst my quota. Too bad... I had fun!

Thans Mal for today! It was crazy!

Sunday, June 17, 2007

What I Miss About Jakarta

While waiting for dinner to be prepared... yes, another gorging session, I will now do up a list and I will be entirely honest. I do not lie on Sundays too.

MY TOP TEN LIST ABOUT WHAT I MISS MOST ABOUT JAKARTA

10) Watching Oprah Winfrey at 10am on Sunday morning
9) Scanning the 'What-to-do' section of the Jakarta Post
8) Having my laundry washed and ironed for me without any effort on my part
7) My bed (In terms of comfort and size, both beds in Jkt and Spore are held to a tie. But, I like the smell of my bed in Jkt that much more. )
6) Bonk. Smoke. Vice.
5) Trying to figure out what each pushcart by the road actually sells
4) Prince Charming
3) Friendly people (Gosh, I see more people smiling, making eye contact and people are generally more human in Jakarta.)
2) Traffic jams (Well, traffic jams when Prince Charming and I are stuck in it together. It is a good time to ask for favours or to cajole him to do basically ANYTHING. When stuck in a jam and with 80% of his brain focused on traffic... he says yes to anything.)
1) Cheap fruits

How innane. Next up, another list. Time is in my hands....

Sunday Sojourn

Waking up to the sounds of my parents tucking into their breakfast and discussing the news in the morning paper, I roused from my sleep, slowly. There was no rush, no need to moan about the absence of breakfast like I always do when I am in Jakarta. At home, there will always be a breakfast spread, a stocked refrigerator, nags of concern and plenty of love.

It is the second Sunday since coming home to Singapore after having spent more than 5 months in Jakarta, and I feel so loved, so safe... it almost feels like I can face the world with careless abandon. This is what having a family close by is all about. Even the little things like sitting in the car with my father driving, milling around in the kitchen when mummy is cooking or just waking Mal up in the morning... they mean so much.

Having just called Prince Charming, I was reminded about how much I miss Jakarta too. Well, him especially. The cute lith in his accent, the goofy laughter, the silly little things he says to crack me up... the little things. After I ended the conversation, I thought about the little things that I remember about the people that are in my life or have walked a part of my life with me at some point or another. I realised I remember them pretty darn well...

With time on my side, I have so much time to think, make resolutions (despite it being the middle of the year), forgive and forget, sleep (haha) and I have been thinking about the plans for my future too. Time flies, half a year in Jakarta and another year to go till the end of my stint. I guess it is never too early to think about what I want to do since most of my plans require a fair bit of research and groundwork before they can be successfully executed. There are so many things that I know I can do and I want to do. There are also so many things that I hope to do and like always, a little prayer... a little seeking and a little knowing, things will go the way they should.

This is what Sundays do to me. I feel that there is no point in excessive worrying about what lies ahead, instead, I just want to take a deep breath, sit back and simply enjoy the moments of my life. With the people I love.

People, life, time... transient...
Perhaps this is my Sunday evening retrospective moment... I get all fuzzy on Sundays. I rarely lose my temper, get annoyed or panic. Instead, I am calm, thoughtful and at peace. Reach out to me on a Sunday, it is the best time.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Zonked

The nightmare is beginning...

Too much to eat, too much to drink, too much gossip, too much indulging, and way way way too much shopping.

I knew this would happen. everywhere... there would be something I want to eat!

I already satisfied the Teochew porridge, dim sum, or-ni (yam paste Teochew desert), Japanese Taiyaki (BLOODY DELICIOUS!!!), ang ku kueh, ming chiang kueh, Mummy`s cooking... cravings.

The gossiping is only beginning. All the updates about everything and everyone one is just insane! I am relishing all the scandalous details.. just bring it on gurls! More to come next week!

Indulging... I am indulging in everything. Believe it or not, I have been sleeping till 10am everyday since I came back on Saturday! In Jakarta, I would usually be roused at 730am despite sleeping at 2am... but back home, my comfy bed... the much cleaner air and the silence in the morning have all but cured my dark eye circles.

Shopping... I can not even start. I forced myself to write down a list of things that I am allowed to purchase.

2 pairs of shoes: I bought 3 pairs (no more!)
2 bags: I bought 1
3 bottoms: I bought 2
3 tops: I bought 2
Accessories: I bought 2 pairs of earrings and 1 necklace
1 bottle of perfume: Yup, just 1

That said, I can still buy a bag, a bottom and a top. It would be vaguely possible if I have only 2 days left in Singapore, but I have more than 10 days left. Perhaps I will still stick to my plan and not wreck my shopping list. There is still some hope.

It is great to be back! Oh yes!

* Oh damn, and I promised Prince Charming I will buy some stuff back for him... yikes. I hope he understands ;)

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Slowly... it becomes clearer

Switched on my lap-top... checked my email...
and i did a double take.

Read the mail...
From a loved one whose dream is finally coming true. He sounds so excited about sharing the piece of fantastic news with me. I feel like I should give him a call immediately to congratulate him... but I feel a lump in my throat. I feel so guilty about not being able to smile and laugh and revel in his moment. I actually feel glad that I am miles away... lest I was closer by... it would have been so contrived on my part.

Oh gosh... I can not even type the words of my thoughts...

He is chasing a dream which I am not a part of. And don't I want to be part of it. I don't know.

.......

Slowly, it becomes clearer
You mean more to everyone than me
Opposites.

.......

Like a shadow, I will always be lurking
Waiting for a sign that says, 'Time`s Up'
Like a frequent customer, my business is always appreciated
But the door stays open, its dollar sense.

.......

I am in the background
Way way in the background
I hang on to the simple words uttered.
But I know... what I feel to you. I can't be anything really more.

.......

I can't even type a stanza. Syntax is all wrong, everything I try to say sounds so dreadful.

*******

Before I wallow in self misery about my own crappy life, an old old friend from across the Causeway just informed me that he is now attached. One of the nicest person with a heart of pure gold and cute as a button. Martin Marty Mart, it`s been 10 years since we first met... so, I hereby promise you HERE that as a decade long friend, I will sing at your wedding :p
You are welcome. Good that you are happy *smiles* Stay that way...